PASSION.

Screamed my head off at my sister. Threw the newspaper I had on hand at her, twice. Hurled vulgarity at her ‘cause I was really too angry and mad and furious and irritated and pissed off with her. Sisters sometimes really just know how to get you on your nerves. She was being unreasonable first and then when I retaliated, she replied by digging out my OTHER mistakes which are obviously not relevant to the issue on hand. She only knows how to incur my wrath, as if the first issue wasn’t enough. We ended up screaming at each other and I wondered why I even sat there throughout. I should have slammed my door and left. Now I just pray she will give me the charger, I don’t wanna live in mercy or have to look at her mood every night. The more I type, the more angsty I get. SHIT.

Why do I always not learn from my lessons? Should have moved on when I was stuck. Seriously what was I thinking…… screwed. Need to learn to MOVE ONNNNNN

忘了他吧。
日子会好过一点。
:’(
不知不觉, 我发现我太依赖你了。
为什么。为什么我每次都那么轻易依赖着别人。
好想哭。但我知道不应该。
真的没想到我竟能这么容易喜欢上别人。好希望我能告诉♥停止感受。
好累。。。。

Why do I always see you everywhere? I really need to stop bumping into you. I’ve not thought about things for the past half morning and I thought I managed to stop thinking of you and all that has happened. Freak. I really hope things do get better though I feel that it won’t. Lost a friend again. Oh well. I really don’t know how or what to do. Lost. Get out of my mind for now please. I need to study. Got this feeling you hate me. They say woman’s intuition is always right and I hope they’re wrong just this once. SHIT LIFE.

Oh come on. So many people out there so many friends you can make. Why restrict yourself? Don’t be stupid.

I really hope J didn’t badmouth to you about me. Why must things be so complicated? Is this the true cost of not handling the first matter right? Is this karma? Are you trusting J more than me? I don’t blame you. But what hurts me is (again I am assuming you heard bad stuff about me which explains why you have been so monotonous today?) you didn’t give me a chance to say my side of the story and you’re already judging me? Why must it all happen today? Not coincidence I know. It’s just all logical reason. Why things happen the way they happen - I can only attribute it to myself and my stupid reckless actions. Makes me feel like talking it out with J. J is very irritated with me. I know. I can see it in his eyes. His actions I mean. We don’t even look at each other in the eye anymore. Have I just made an enemy? I’m really very disappointed. With myself. Now that things have come to such a stage (okay I will observe and see K’s attitude towards me first), I have no choice but to talk it out with J. Some day I will clear it out.

I think I like you. Actually, I can’t figure out whether it’s because I like you or because you’re someone that I can click with so easily or because you’ve a really really interesting personality. It’s the same feeling I used to get with L.
Awesome company yesterday. Hope it doesn’t end there. You’re one friend who thinks deeply and honestly, it’s been awhile since I met someone who’s a deep thinker. Every other person I meet or talk to nowadays; we just talk on the surface. Not that we aren’t honest. We ARE honest. It’s just that we don’t talk deeply. Oh well, reminds me of those times when L was around debating about those complex topics. How cool is that!

Anyway, it’s been nice knowing you. K. :D

People are really not what they seem to be. I don’t know which is the real you anymore. If the current you is the real you, then I really don’t know what to say anymore. I thought you were so nice so innocent so helpful. Yes you WERE. Not anymore. I really hate how I trust people so easily.

Honestly, if you’re reluctant, just tell me. I’m fine. The most important thing is don’t lie. I can see I can sense that you’re hiding things from me. In fact, not just hiding but even lying through your teeth.

No idea why I can get so worked up and sensitive over such issues. Perhaps it’s the expectancy theory yet again.

Oh well. LIFE GOES ON.

Just thought I should note this down to serve as a reminder. Just a brief summary. Got to know J a few weeks ago. Started talking and all. Progressed way too fast than a normal friendship. Maybe I was to blame for the fast pace that we were progressing. Should not have been too friendly too spontaneous. Reached an awkward situation such that we had no choice (or could we have avoided it? If yes, blame it on nothing but me being too kan-cheong) but to be brutally honest with each other. We confessed our feelings for each other which only made it even more confusing. Yes less awkward but so much more confusing such that I thoroughly regret being too honest. More haste less speed. It can never be more true than in such a predicament. As time passes, we realised we are neither here nor there. You do not know if we should cross the line of friendship. While I am still asking myself if I really like you or if it’s just a passing phase. I feel like I really shouldn’t have made us say what we think especially when I myself ain’t sure of my feelings. It’s not easy finding someone who likes you the same or a little more than you like him and I think I found him. And yet, I spoilt the mysterious feeling between us and made things far too clear. After talking to you today, I see how selfish I am. I can see that you really really really like me. I see that in your eyes in your every act. And yet, I’m still not prepared enough to reciprocate that liking. I feel so helplessly guilty. Of course, I think you had a little problem as well. You seemed a little too obsessed? I don’t know if it’s just me. Anyway, now we’ve kind of come to a concensus to take a break and wait till the holidays. For which I have no idea how I will reply you. I am a bitch.